Excited would be an understatement!!

Hey there.

Lets get straight into it. A very positive and enjoyable read coming up, so don't fret those of you who fear another 'miserable john linke special' please read on i have exciting news!!

Over the past 9 days there have been some things which I have kept to myself as I was too afraid to voice them prior to a scheduled meeting today with my surgeon Bill Campbell. To be honest I have been slightly shitting myself that something was wrong with my right leg. However I am now in a position where I can share some of my thoughts and feelings over the past 9 days. So without mucking around here is my attempt at explaining a few things that have been troubling me recently. Bear with me, hopefully this will come out in a way that makes sense.

2 weeks ago i first started back on the wattbike, very slowly obviously but have been gradually progressing up to today where i was able to do 30 minutes at 250 Watts. Starting to become slightly more respectable. The output is not of much importance though, I know that in time that will come.

However, while i was able to progress slowly on the bike, my right leg has been troubling me, I have been experiencing a tight cramping feeling on the outside out of my lower leg. The feeling was similar to that of what i had experienced prior to the surgery so my immediate fears were that i was still having vascular problems in my calf. I spoke to my physio and doc about these sensations, they both told me it was a neural sensation and had nothing to do with any vascular issues. However today my mind was put completely at ease as I had an appointment with Bill Campbell at the Epworth hospital which involved a simple test.

While watching my popliteal artery under ultrasound, you simply stand on your tip toes and watch how the calf contraction affects the artery. I estimate i have had this test done 15 times over the past 3.5 years and not once has the artery remained open and allowed normal blood flow. So today repeating this test was very stressful and I was praying to the gods that the surgery has changed the anatomy in my legs sufficiently enough to ensure that while flexing my calf (standing on my tip toes) the artery remained open. And..... IT STAYED OPEN. My god, was I relieved. I can't explain how happy I felt, had it not stayed open i am not sure what I would have done. To explain my joy is hard, so I will leave it at that for now, However stay tuned for an exciting 12 part series 'unsinkable' which will detail an episode showing what I was up to today and shares some of my thoughts about the enormity of the experience. I am yet to view the footage which was taken today but i am told it is pretty emotional to see how i reacted when realising my artery was staying open during calf contraction. (I endeavour to post the first episode asap, I am just awaiting some finalisation in regards to sponsorship for the production costs then it will be delivered to you).

To visually see that the artery is now remaining open during calf contraction is huge for me. It is a massive step towards a being an athlete again. Bill also explained to me the cramping sensation is due to nerve damage both from the trauma of the surgery, the compression on the nerve that has been occurring as a result of living with this condition for so long and also due to the fact that I have been living with chronic pain for some years now. Therefore my mind is so used to feeling pain in my legs, and combined with nerve damage, my nervous system is a little out of whack and will take time to settle. Bill suggested it could be around 6 months before they feel completely normal. The good news is, other than it being uncomfortable while exercising, it will not significantly affect my progress which is great. I have been told to consider it like my body re-learning what normal is again. Something i have zero confidence is explaining after going through all this.

Knowing that it is not a vascular problem puts my mind at ease and I am now at a point where i can accept that i have had major surgery and having an entire muscle removed there is going to be significant changes within my legs and that will take some time to settle down. Being able to accept this is a good step forward in managing the whole situation emotionally and mentally. For those of you that have caught on already, i did touch briefly on my concerns in my last post stating that i had spoken to the physio and he was able to explain the aches and pains as being expected, What i didn't share was that i feared the worst and had concerns in regards to a vascular problem. Not trying to be cryptic, but i do want to continue to provide an honest insight into my thoughts, and i do feel it necessary to explain myself and what i am writing. Hope that makes sense..

For now, other than my newly heightened confidence in the success of the most recent procedure nothing changes, I continue building up my fitness and leg strength again. I know I still have a long road ahead, and I am not looking forward to when the national team competes at the world champs in a month or so. That will be tough to watch. And it is not like i can now start training again and I will be fine soon, Sadly after going through all this many times before with both my shoulder and my legs, I all to well know the long road ahead. I would be ignorant to think it is going to be easy, and to think it will not have a cost on my well being would be crazy. There are going to be good weeks and i know there will be some bad weeks, but as long as overall i am trending upwards towards a successful return to sport, i will endeavour to remain as calm minded as possible, something of which unfortunately I have recently struggled with in regards to other aspects of my day to day life.

Anyways i think is enough on that and for tonight. I hope you have been able to gauge the relief that todays test result has given me. Seriously, today was big, had that test have shown the artery close down during calf contraction it would have been an entirely different post, something of which I doubt my mum would have appreciated reading in regards to language used.

Also as a side note, if you have any questions or comments you wish to post below, please do not hesitate as I would love to get a feel for how this is being received. As I have said previously, it is not easy in being so candid and sharing with you all. But i do hope that you are able to gain a true understanding of some of the emotions and experiences I am going through.

Regards, John