Hi all.
To begin with, obviously I was not a part
of the 2013 world-rowing champs in the way that I was planning to be in January
of this year. Also, for those of you wondering why this reflection is being
posted now over one week post the event, I decided to let things sit for a
while to make sure my post was a logical and unemotional account of where I am
upto and what I felt like watching from afar.
For me, the week was a normal week and life
went on, I went to University a few times, coached the school boys, did some of
my own training and carried on as per normal really. I basically tried to keep
as busy as possible and train as much as my body would allow to ensure I was as
tired as possible and therefore not lying awake thinking all night.
As an insight into how I felt I will use
the example of sitting in class at university watching the heats on my phone. I
obviously wasn’t super interested in what was going on in class, I remember
sitting there watching the splits come up on my phone and thinking this is not
how I imagined this day would feel. I was sitting in a room with students I
barely knew learning about sports psychology. Last year was frustrating to have
been on the sidelines. However I got on with the job, and my major motivation
every single day was to remind myself how bloody good it would feel to get on
the plane this year and fly to Korea as a part of the national team. I reminded
myself before and during every session I didn’t want to do or found tough that
it would all be worth it. And that when I got on the plane it would be the most
amazing feeling and all the frustration would have been worth it. So to have
been sitting in a uni class letting my mind wander through these thoughts
wasn’t the greatest experience.
I know it isn’t good to think about ‘what
if’, but I kept and keep thinking to myself that this is not how I imagined
this year to go. I had imagined being back doing what I loved doing, and I
imagined spending time overseas competing, and even travelling post worlds with
my girlfriend. Again, obviously none of these things occurred, and that’s what
cuts me deep now. Its all manageable, but it just pisses me off, and now I have
another 51 weeks of convincing myself that it all still is worth it and it will
be worth it when I get on the plane to fly to Amsterdam with the team. This
becomes even more challenging the second year in a row. The 2011 world champs are starting to seem
like a distant dream. Rowing to me now represents rehabilitation, and lots of
training trying to get fit again post surgery..
Don’t take this the wrong way, I am
actually just as motivated as I was last year. It would be a lie to say I am more
motivated than I was during the second half of 2012 as I don’t believe that
would be possible. Maybe somebody reading this post would be willing to comment
below and confirm these thoughts of mine and give an insight into how I
conducted myself last year as that would be more valuable than me giving what
you may perceive as a biased opinion.
Anyways to finish up, the sessions I did in
the gym during the week of the 2013 world champs will be a good memory if I do
manage to pull this whole thing off in a April 2014 and manage to somehow get
myself selected back onto the team.
I know for some of you reading you may see
this as ambitious and some you may even be thinking you will beat me and
take a seat before I do. However let me remind you as readers that I am not on
a search for compassion or sympathy, I am simply sharing my story and giving an
honest insight into the journey i am on, sharing with you how I think and feel during what is at the moment a challenge for me, but will hopefully develop into something very exciting. Here is hoping!
Cheers, John
Photo: Final Sunday of world champs relaxing at
Como park in melbourne.
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